Owner Conversations: The Teeter Totter of Making a Business Transition
There are always things you like and things you don’t but its about the weight of each. Years ago, after leaving a bad employment situation, I found myself feeling something that surprised me: I felt as though I had just lost a friend to a tragic accident. Why? If the situation had been so bad, why did I grieve its loss? It wasn’t until many years later, after experiencing the same phenomenon multiple times leaving one job for another opportunity that the realization finally struck me. Everything we do in life comes with both positives and negatives. Yet when we enter into something, new a job, a relationship, a business, or even a new chapter of life we tend to focus heavily on the potential benefits. We walk through that door excited about what we might gain, only to discover that the new opportunity also comes with its own set of challenges and negatives. That is simply how life works. Take relationships, for example. Unless you are a little crazy, you don’t enter into a relationship expecting it to become a negative experience. You enter because you see something wonderful in the other person. You see possibilities. You see companionship, love, friendship, and a future together. Yet relationships don’t always work out. I’ve seen the expensive weddings and, unfortunately, the expensive divorces. But ask someone who has gone through a divorce whether there was anything they still admired about the person they divorced, and you’ll often discover that the answer is yes. There are things they still miss. There are memories they still cherish. There are qualities in that person they still value. So what happened? I believe the answer can be understood by imagining life as a teeter-totter. Imagine that every relationship, job, or business is essentially a large teeter-totter with a fulcrum the pivot point in the middle. On one end are all the things you enjoy. On the other end are the things you don’t enjoy. At the beginning of most new situations, I believe the majority of us naturally sit on the positive side of the teeter-totter. We’re excited. We’re optimistic. We’re looking forward to what’s ahead. The negatives may already exist, but they don’t carry enough weight to outweigh everything we enjoy about the new experience. And then something begins to happen. Over time, the weights change. Sometimes the negative side never becomes heavy enough to outweigh the positive side. We find ways to remove the negative weight, adapt to it, or simply accept it as part of the experience. But sometimes the negative weight continues to accumulate. One problem becomes another. One difficult relationship becomes another. One disappointment gets stacked on top of another. Eventually, the negative side begins to outweigh the positive. And we start sliding down the teeter-totter toward the other side. Why We Stay Here’s where things get interesting. The longer we sit on the negative side and allow those negative weights to accumulate, the more unhappy we become and the more likely we are to eventually divorce ourselves from the very thing we once enjoyed. Yet so many of us continue sitting there. Why? Because we tell ourselves stories. “The money is too good.” “Where will I find another opportunity like this?” “Maybe things will get better.” “I’ve invested too much to leave now.” “It wasn’t always like this.” And perhaps the most powerful one: “I remember how great it used to be.” We can become so attached to the memories of what something once was that we continue living with the agony of what it has become. Eventually, however, we reach the point where we leave. We leave the job, relationship, business and we walk away from the thing that has been weighing us down. And then something strange happens. We begin to miss it. We wonder: “If it was really that horrible, why do I miss it so much?” The answer is simple. We didn’t just leave the negatives. We left the positives, too. The teeter-totter always had two sides. Even when the negative side became unbearable, there were still things sitting on the positive side that we genuinely loved. The Paper Cut Here’s another way to think about it. Imagine you have a painful paper cut on one of the fingers of your right hand. It’s annoying. Every time you move paper, pick something up, or touch something with that finger, you notice it. It’s a relatively small injury, but because it is constantly being irritated, it gets your attention throughout the day. Now imagine that you accidentally smash a finger on your left hand. Suddenly, do you remember the paper cut? Probably not. The larger pain overwhelms your awareness of the smaller one. One pain masks another. I believe relationships, jobs, and businesses work much the same way. At any given moment, we are experiencing both positive and negative things. Sometimes the enjoyment outweighs the pain. Sometimes the pain outweighs the enjoyment. And what’s fascinating is that the difference may come down to only two, three, four, or five additional weights being placed on one side of the teeter-totter. That’s all it takes to change the balance. Why Leaving Can Still Feel Like Grief This brings me back to the question I started with. Why did leaving that job feel like losing a friend? Because when I left, I didn’t just leave everything I disliked. I also left everything I enjoyed. I left the parts of that experience that had genuinely brought me happiness. Even though the negative side had eventually become heavy enough to force me out, the positive side didn’t suddenly disappear from my memory. That’s why leaving can feel like grief. We can know something was wrong for us and still miss parts of it. Those two things can be true at the same time. The Business Owner’s Teeter-Totter I think this concept is especially important for business owners and perhaps for all of us. The teeter-totter is constantly moving. It doesn’t
